One for the Men...
Over the past few days I've had some interesting conversations with both men and women about romance, making love, and connecting.
Obviously, I know what women tend to think on these matters but what do men think?
I'm curious to know how men define romance. What do you do? When you make love to a woman are you thinking about the deep and profound connection between the two of you, or does some basic instinct kick in and all you can think of is how good you're feeling? If you're in a relationship, do you still work really hard on the emotional connection when making love, or do you take it for granted?
I want to know about the really special times, not the "fuck your brains out" times or the "obligatory" shags (sorry for my crudeness!). I really want the male viewpoint on all this, though obviously the women out there can comment on this too! :)
Obviously, I know what women tend to think on these matters but what do men think?
I'm curious to know how men define romance. What do you do? When you make love to a woman are you thinking about the deep and profound connection between the two of you, or does some basic instinct kick in and all you can think of is how good you're feeling? If you're in a relationship, do you still work really hard on the emotional connection when making love, or do you take it for granted?
I want to know about the really special times, not the "fuck your brains out" times or the "obligatory" shags (sorry for my crudeness!). I really want the male viewpoint on all this, though obviously the women out there can comment on this too! :)
posted by 20SomethingGirl at 11/17/2006 09:15:00 pm
9 Comments:
All knowing: Thanks, I will do!
I've only just found your blog, twenty something, and I must say I'm enjoying it!! This question is one I've always wanted answering, though some of my boyfriends have been very open with things like that, I've still not got a true answer, I don't think. I'm going to link to your blog from mine, it'd be great if you would return the favour! creativewriter1985.blogspot.com
I certainly can't speak for all men, but for me I do indeed think of everything when making love to Lady L, sometimes all at once. The deep profound meanings and the animal feelings, they swirl and twirl around my brain. It does depend on the mood of the moment, what kind of love are we making at the time, that does have a lot to do with how you feel and what you are thinking about, if thinking is even the right word for it. Feeling would be a more appropriate word for what is going on, I try not to overthink those moments and just let my heart guide me.
Speaking only for myself (male, 40, 6 years wed to my love), on a certain level, there is nothing you can do about hormones. For most men there will always be a bit of that DRIVE. Sure, some of the best love-making and sex was at the start of our relationship. That was when it was easier to find boundaries to push. We know each other better now. The frightening/euphoric experience of taking each other further than you thought you could go gets to be fewer and further between. They are always unexpected and surprising, and just as powerful as ever. Most of the time we have sex or fuck.
For me, the emotional connection and the animal instinct are all wrapped up together when I'm having sex within a relationship. Sometimes it's more romantic and sometimes it more raw. But when I'm fucking my wife and watching her get all hot, I'm just so happy and feel so lucky. I had a girlfriend once who didn't feel the emotional connection in sex and I found that less than satisfying. I would want to get cuddly after sex and that made her very uncomfortable. She just wanted to get up, get dressed and move on.
There is a great difference between a "shag" and "making love" for me, while single, i "shagged" many girls and physically,it satisfied me. Now I am married however, sex is totally different, it satisfies me physically, and emotionally, it is a far deeper and more meaningful thing, i could never get from casual sex, what i get from my wife. I think that men who go for quantity rather than quality totally miss what its all about. My days of waking up and wondering who was in bed next to me are gone now, its so shallow and I think men who do it are missing out so much. We are not all the same girls.
I'm a girl but thought I'd leave a comment anyway.
By the way I adore your blog layout, the butterfly's beautiful.
I think there's a difference between a shag and making love. Sometimes making love is so overwhelming it makes you feel sad too. It's the kind of choking emotion that tears you apart.
Sometimes... you know.
Your question cannot be answered unless you differentiate between "making love" and "having sex". Having sex is okay but it is mostly physical and any feelings that are not selfish are coincidental and should not be trusted. Making love is far more than having sex although "making love" culminates in having sex but then not with sex and physical desire as the objective or driving force.
To a man, sex is the ultimate way of expressing and achieving intimacy. If you achieve intimacy with the woman you love, your body and the physical experince is secondary and getting inside the soul of your woman is 80% of your awareness. That is also why it is that the ultimate sexual satisfaction is to please and satisfy the woman you love. So now it becomes a process of giving and not of taking and then you (the man) give himself entirely.
But, I guess you will never know unless you can be in a stable committed and monogomous relationship where love rather lust sets the tone in your relationship.
I am just over 50, have been married for 25 years and if "sex" does not include soul contact, it is such a poor substitute that I am always ready to pass. Foreplay starts when I wake up in the morning and somtimes continues for a few days before actual love making starts. It is during this foreplay stage that romancing your woman is a wonderful adventure and innovation never stops.
a girl like me: Thanks for the compliment! :)
anon: Thanks for making the male perspective a little clearer.
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