Empty...
I made my decision. After many hours of soul-searching and discussions with my OH I decided to have a termination. Although I know that this was the right choice for me at this moment in time, I feel strangely empty. And I feel as if I have betrayed the very purpose of my being here on this planet. I know that these feelings are normal, but it doesn't make it any easier.
The worst thing about all this is that I am not allowed to have sex etc for two weeks. Before you dismiss me as a sex-mad monster who is trivialising what I've been through, let me defend myself. At the moment I want nothing more than to lie in my OH's arms, as close as two people can be, while he whispers in my ear that he loves me. I want to feel the imtimacy, the closeness, to know that he understands how I feel and for him to tell me that I'm not a bad person. Yes he's said these things already, but right now I'm feeling very clingy and I need the extra reassurance.
The worst thing about all this is that I am not allowed to have sex etc for two weeks. Before you dismiss me as a sex-mad monster who is trivialising what I've been through, let me defend myself. At the moment I want nothing more than to lie in my OH's arms, as close as two people can be, while he whispers in my ear that he loves me. I want to feel the imtimacy, the closeness, to know that he understands how I feel and for him to tell me that I'm not a bad person. Yes he's said these things already, but right now I'm feeling very clingy and I need the extra reassurance.
posted by 20SomethingGirl at 11/12/2006 02:55:00 pm
10 Comments:
At least you are ok, I was getting worried about you. It is a hard decision and there is no way to sugar coat it, or at least no reason to. Despite the limitations on sex, Ihope you have someone that can hold you and be with you during this difficult time.
Wishing you the best.
AD: Thanks for those kind words. Fortunately, my OH and I live together so he's always with me when I need him. :)
Pandora: They do say that time heals, but I wonder how much time I'm going to need?
I hope that the extremists don't give you any flack. It's a hard enough decision to make anyway, and throwing in "pro-lifers" just won't help. Fortunately, here in England the extremists are usually held in check. I can see from your writing that you've thought long and hard about all of this, and I wish you luck with your decision. xxx
Mel: Thanks for your kind words. So far I've been lucky and not had any extremists here. Everyone's entitled to their opinions, but I wonder just how many of the extremists out there have been in my position???
What difficult times !! Sorry to hear dear. The only answer is to follow your heart and get all the comfort you want ... We're all here to listen and share ... Hugs !
You've made the right decision. There is a lot of love for you so take care. Enjoy the comfort & love of your partner.
Aragorn: Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone when the going gets tough.
Tom: Thank you.
Take responsibility for your actions. You should at least give this baby a chance even if you can't take care of it. Give it up for adoption. This is NOT about you. This is about an innocent life YOU are destroying. From someone who cannot have kids - you make me sick.
Anon: If you'd bothered to read this post properly you'd realise that your comment has been posted too late.
This is absolutely about me, and I'm sorry that your experiences have made you so bitter that you feel you have to leave a comment like this.
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