No Sex...
The last few months have been very difficult for me following my decision (you can read about it here). I've battled on though and now things are returning to normal.
With the exception of one thing. My sex life is practically non-existent. Ever since the abortion my OH has gone all weird on me. He won't hug or kiss me anymore unless I ask him to, and he won't initiate sex. In fact, if I initiate it he almost always says he's not in the mood. The number of times we've had sex since Christmas I can count on one hand (minus a couple of fingers!).
I've tried talking to him about this, but he says nothing's wrong. Either that, or he acts like he didn't hear me say anything. Am I doing something wrong? Am I missing something blindingly obvious? Am I over-reacting? Arrgh. Someone, please, put me out of my misery.
With the exception of one thing. My sex life is practically non-existent. Ever since the abortion my OH has gone all weird on me. He won't hug or kiss me anymore unless I ask him to, and he won't initiate sex. In fact, if I initiate it he almost always says he's not in the mood. The number of times we've had sex since Christmas I can count on one hand (minus a couple of fingers!).
I've tried talking to him about this, but he says nothing's wrong. Either that, or he acts like he didn't hear me say anything. Am I doing something wrong? Am I missing something blindingly obvious? Am I over-reacting? Arrgh. Someone, please, put me out of my misery.
Labels: abortion, lack of sex, problems
posted by 20SomethingGirl at 3/08/2007 03:20:00 pm
8 Comments:
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it sweetie, but his reaction doesn't seem unusual. And it is hard to say for sure without knowing him, but some men have difficulty after a pregnancy in re-establishing intimatcy with their partners. I know that I've read about it, but obviously it isn't something you talk about with your friends. I would think however, that something like that is happening here perhaps? Maybe he is afraid, or ashamed of what you had to go through? Tough on this end, trying to guess. Wishing you the best however.
AD: I thought it might be something like that. Any idea how I get him to open up to me?
Yeah, seems the abortion is playing with his mind. He's had long enough to get over it, Time for him to get some counselling. He doesn't want to talk to you about it, see if you can get him to talk to someone else.
I'm no expert on these matters, this might be a better question for Shay or someone. Maybe however, something to start with that doesn't involve vaginal penetration, something initiated by you, a blowjob perhaps, that would start reestablishing intimacy between you again? Maybe be a little more aggressive than you normally would be. Again, not pretending to be an expert, but that seems like it might be something that would work. At least worth a try.
i hate to say it.. but it sounds like he may be on his way out of the relationship.
Aussiegil: Hmmm...you may be right.
AD: I'll try that, and I'll drop a line to Shay too.
Pandora: Nooo!!! I'm not going to give up without a fight! :)
First off, let me say that I am a newcomer to your blog, but I will soon be a subscriber. Your openness is refreshing and touching.
Now, I'm sorry to hear that he has been acting strange. I bet he's going through a whole range of emotions that he never expected. I've not been in your situation, but I can see how a person may think he/she feels a certain way about something, but when all is said and done those feelings are completely different. Maybe he, when you told him you were pregnant, went through the boy or girl and naming thing that you did. Or maybe, now that what's done is done, he's going through that now. I suggest patience. Give him time to grieve and heal.
I sincerely hope things get better.
Erotic post...
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